I wrestled with what to post this week in the wake of the recent political violence and (yet another) school shooting.
I have never wanted my Substack to be a political space. Of course I have my viewpoints, and surely they influence my work, but my goal has always been to create a truly kind and compassionate corner of the internet dedicated to healing, growth, connection, and aliveness. I wanted (and still want) to create an online refuge for anyone who is needing solace or craving growth–whether you and I see the world similarly or not. But as I contemplated publishing a pre-written article, with no acknowledgement of the moment we’re in, it just felt…wrong.
So I will simply say this: I am committed to a mission of healing, compassion, and growth, both personally and professionally. That means that I do not condone violence (or hatred or injustice). My heart goes out to everyone impacted by the events of this week–the victims, their families and loved ones, the first responders, those who witnessed these events, and those impacted vicariously.
My heart goes out to you, whoever you are, as you navigate a world that increasingly feels a little less stable, a little less safe, a little less kind. I’m sending you compassion today.
Below are some reflections and a short, guided meditation practice to help us spread a little compassion—inward and outward— as we close a difficult week.
However, I want to clear up a misconception right off the bat: compassion does not mean condoning. We can have compassion for anyone–even for those with whom we profoundly disagree–without justifying their actions. Compassion and accountability can go hand-in-hand, and I believe both are needed in our world today.
And as a gentle reminder: this space is for solace and care—not debate or political discussion. Comments will be moderated for empathy.
Balm for a Broken World:
Sometimes it feels like society has become irrevocably broken. The wounds run so deep that they can feel impossible to heal, and it can be hard to envision a more compassionate future.
Untended pain has a way of spilling outward, rippling through the population.
Our minds are overstimulated. Our souls feel drained. Our bodies are exhausted. We are increasingly disconnected from each other, and many of us feel disconnected from our true selves.
We need compassion–for ourselves and for others–as we collectively navigate the dense fog of our times.
For too long, we have been told to stuff our emotions down, to silence our cries, to hide our pain. For too long, we have been told to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and carry on, while ignoring the raging storms inside our souls. Too many have been silenced, ignored, or invalidated by a society filled with people haunted by their own scars. It can be hard to care for the pain of others when no one acknowledged the pain you carry, so the cycles persist.
We are starved for compassion.
In my work as a therapist, I have observed that the one tool that people consistently struggle with the most is self-compassion. If we were not given adequate compassion by others, how can we learn to give it to ourselves? And if we cannot give it to ourselves, how can we hope to give it to others? This is a paradox of our age.
But it is important to note that compassion is not a blank check. We must balance compassion with accountability. Compassion does not condone. Compassion does not acquiesce. Compassion does not justify nor endorse wrongdoings. Compassion simply is. It is a gift freely given with no pre-requisites.
If you saw a stranger fall off of a bike and hit their head, would you try to figure out if they’re a good person? Would you find their social media to see if their views align with yours? Would you make them earn your compassion? Or would you call for help?
It feels simple in cases of bodily harm, but why shouldn’t emotional pain be the same? Compassion is simply recognizing suffering and wishing that the pain might be eased. No strings attached.
The piece that many miss, however, is the fact that two things can be true at once. We can offer someone compassion while abhorring their actions. We can wish for the easing of someone’s pain while condemning their views. Compassion is not compliance.
We can hold onto our compassion in one hand, and we can hold people responsible for the harm they have caused in the other hand. Both things are essential.
Compassion is a natural state when we view the other person as human. But there is an epidemic of dehumanization which is leading to a blunting of our natural compassion. We forget that the person behind the screen, that person in the car that cut us off, that person whose viewpoint we abhor…is a person. It’s easier to forget. It’s easier to hate and blame and shame and “other”.
But as we dehumanize each other, we are also dehumanizing ourselves. We’re further severing the thread that binds us all—the kinship of shared humanity.
It’s much easier to point the finger elsewhere than to meet our eyes in the mirror and examine the shadows in our own soul.
But we all have shadows. We are all walking around with unhealed wounds. It’s when we ignore them that we spread our pain. When we pretend the hurt isn’t there, it leaks out, sneaky and inconvenient. Untended pain passes from generation to generation until someone finally decides to meet it head on.
So I want to tell you today that your pain deserves compassion and care. Your anger deserves validation. Your fear deserves comfort. Maybe no one has ever truly told you that before. But your feelings matter.
And as we tend to our own feelings and we care for our own wounds, our capacity for love and compassion grows. We cannot snap our fingers and change the world, but perhaps the path toward a kinder, safer, more compassionate world begins at home–not as a substitute for justice but as fuel for it. We must care for ourselves so we can sustainably work toward a better world.
A Practice for Compassion:
This Loving-kindness (mettā) meditation comes from long-standing Buddhist traditions, but I’ve adapted it here for length and accessibility. It is one of my personal favorite meditation practices, and I hope that it serves you well this weekend.
You’re free to do whatever you need to do make the practice meet you where you are today: keep your eyes open, modify the words, or skip any step that doesn’t feel right. Simply trying the practice and meeting yourself where you are is an act of self-compassion. I hope you enjoy the guided audio below.
P.S. If you’d rather listen than read, an audio form of this post (including the guided meditation) is on the Centered with Abby Podcast here.
*This newsletter and audio are for educational purposes only and are not therapy or medical advice, nor do they establish a therapist–client relationship. If you’re struggling, please seek support from a qualified local professional. In the U.S., call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline; if you’re in immediate danger, call 911. Outside the U.S., contact your local emergency or crisis service.