Fall is in full swing here in the Northern hemisphere. The nights are crisp, the light is softening, and the leaves are entering their final transformation.

As the earth prepares for a season of dormancy, only the vital parts of the plants remain; everything else is released, preparing the ground for new life in the spring.

We have much to learn from the rhythms of nature, and autumn teaches us the value of letting go. As the trees shed their leaves, we are asked to consider what we might be ready to release.

It may sound simple, but release is rarely easy. In fact, letting go is often painful, stressful, challenging, and filled with conflicted emotions. I don’t want to downplay that. Letting go can be hard.

However, letting go does not always mean loss. Sometimes letting go means transformation, and it is often an essential step toward finding new growth.

A quieter, less-appreciated aspect of fall is the overwintering of seeds. Many plants shed their seeds in the late summer and autumn—a literal byproduct of letting go. These seeds burrow into the soil, waiting all winter for spring’s warmth to breathe them to life. In letting go, the plant literally sows the seeds for future growth.

What if we viewed letting go as a way of fostering new growth in our own lives? What might be forming beneath the surface if we are able to make the space?

Reflection/Journaling Questions:

1. What in your life belongs in another season? What could be released to make way for new growth?

2. What keeps you holding on to the things that are ready to release? (Fear? Habit? Identity? Responsibility? Logistics? Hope? Self-doubt?)

3. What emotions come up when you imagine releasing the thing you identified in question 1? Take some time to feel/process/validate your feelings.

4. What “new seeds” do you want to plant now? How will you tend to these seeds over the next season or two to support their future growth?

5. How might letting go of one thing (your answer to question 1) plant the seeds for another (your answer to question 4)?

Today’s mini-retreat is a companion to last week’s essay (which you can find here).

Set up a cozy corner with a blanket and warm drink of choice and join me for a brief practice that blends mindful movement, breath, and reflection. We’ll begin by dropping into the present, exploring a brief movement practice that you can tailor to your energy today. From there, I’ll read a short essay and invite you to notice what arises—thoughts, sensations, memories—without judgment.

We’ll close with a simple mantra meditation you can carry into your day:

I am doing enough. I have enough. I am enough.

If you want to go deeper, last week’s post includes the full essay written out plus some journaling prompts to help you explore how “enoughness” might feel in your body and your life. Try keeping the mantra on a sticky note where you’ll see it often, and notice what shifts when you move through your day from this place.

If this resonated: share it with a friend, leave a comment with what came up for you, and subscribe for future mini-retreats.

References & links

• YouTube: SomaSong Wellness

• Instagram: @centeredwithabby • @somasongwellness

• Other Substack: singingsomatics.substack.com

What if you were already enough? Exactly as you are?

I’m not asking you to believe me, but I am asking you to entertain the question.

What would it be like to feel that you’re already enough?

We’re surrounded by messages of not-enoughness. From the time we’re children, these messages are already tunneling so deeply into our subconscious that we don’t even notice they’re there. But for most of us, those messages are like insidious weeds.

Our society runs on not-enoughness. Capitalism, corporate culture, social media, fashion, even the wellness industry—their success depends on convincing us that we don’t have enough, we’re not doing enough, and we are not enough. They convince us that we just need to buy one more product, work longer hours, do one more diet, change one more thing about ourselves, and then we’ll finally feel good enough, cool enough, attractive enough, healthy enough, successful enough, lovable enough.

Don’t get me wrong–I have no problem with the concept of self-improvement. We can know that we have intrinsic worth as human beings and still work toward greater self-knowledge, better health, or more successful careers. What matters is how we approach it. Are we working on our fitness because we know we deserve to live in a body that feels strong and healthy, or are we doing it because the constant barrage of fitness models on our Instagram feed made us feel bad about ourselves? Are we operating from shame or love?

If we look externally for our sense of enoughness, we’ll never find it. That feeling can’t be bought. It can’t be given. It can’t be earned. It must come from within.

Enoughness is accepting that you have value simply by existing. You don’t have to earn your worth. It exists whether you recognize it or not.

But if your sense of self-worth depends on other people’s opinions of you, it will feel very fragile.

Everyone views the world through the lens of their own experiences and their own vulnerabilities. That means that someone’s opinion of you isn’t really based purely on you—it’s based on their own projection of you.

What if that person who made you feel bad about yourself is simply projecting their own insecurities onto you? What if it was never even about you?

What would it be like to move through the world knowing that you don’t have to earn love—that you can find it within yourself?

How would it change things for you?

I challenge you to consider moving through the rest of the day contemplating the question–what would it be like if you were already enough? Just notice what happens and see what a difference it makes.

Journaling prompts/Reflection Questions:

1. If I could feel (just for today) like I am enough, I would stop ____, start ______, and continue _______.

2. When I say to myself “I am enough as I am”, what do I notice in my body? (Does anything soften or relax? Does anything tighten? What do I notice?)

3. If I knew that I didn’t have to earn worthiness, how might I move through life differently?

These retreats are designed to help you create a ritual of self-care—a routine that invites you to pause from daily life, check in, reset, nourish your nervous system, and move forward with more intention. Practice anytime from the comfort of your home, and come as you are—whatever you’re bringing in today is welcome here.

Before getting started, I encourage you to take some time to get cozy and set your space. You’ll get the most out of this if you carve out some intentional time. Limit distractions, silence notifications, and consider a small ritual to mark the beginning—brew a cup of tea, light a candle or twinkle lights, diffuse some essential oils or incense, or do any other quick practice that signals to yourself that this time is special. Our brains love ritual, so repeating these little opening rituals helps your system drop in more quickly in the future.

Theme: This retreat is inspired by the autumn equinox in the Northern Hemisphere. As we move into a time of equal daylight and darkness, we are reminded to find balance. Today we’ll explore the lessons of the equinox and examine what balance means in our bodies, breath, and lives.

What you’ll experience

• A gentle centering to arrive in your body and your space

• Breath awareness and even-count breathing (inhale/exhale balanced)

• Optional box breathing

• Somatic, balancing movement practice

• A reflective journaling prompt to integrate your insights

A note on autonomy & safety

Everything I offer is a suggestion, not a mandate. Please adapt or rest anytime—this is your practice.

Journal prompt to take with you

What aspects of your life feel out of balance right now? Consider work/school, rest, friendships, family, romance, your relationship with yourself, self-care, health, mental health, spirituality, creativity, and play.

What would balance look and feel like? Name 1–3 small actions that would move you toward it this week.

If this resonated

• Subscribe to get future mini-retreats and somatic practices in your inbox.

• Listen & share this episode with someone who could use a reset.

• Follow on IG: @centeredwithabby

• Website: abbyilardi.com

• SomaSong Method & courses: learn how to use singing/toning/humming and somatics to build nervous system resilience. Find us at @somasongwellness on Youtube and Instagram and singingsomatics.substack.com. You can also join our email list to be the first to know when our upcoming course drops. (Join Here).

Educational content only. Not a substitute for medical care. Please consult your provider with questions about your specific health needs.

I wrestled with what to post this week in the wake of the recent political violence and (yet another) school shooting.

I have never wanted my Substack to be a political space. Of course I have my viewpoints, and surely they influence my work, but my goal has always been to create a truly kind and compassionate corner of the internet dedicated to healing, growth, connection, and aliveness. I wanted (and still want) to create an online refuge for anyone who is needing solace or craving growth–whether you and I see the world similarly or not. But as I contemplated publishing a pre-written article, with no acknowledgement of the moment we’re in, it just felt…wrong.

So I will simply say this: I am committed to a mission of healing, compassion, and growth, both personally and professionally. That means that I do not condone violence (or hatred or injustice). My heart goes out to everyone impacted by the events of this week–the victims, their families and loved ones, the first responders, those who witnessed these events, and those impacted vicariously.

My heart goes out to you, whoever you are, as you navigate a world that increasingly feels a little less stable, a little less safe, a little less kind. I’m sending you compassion today.

Below are some reflections and a short, guided meditation practice to help us spread a little compassion—inward and outward— as we close a difficult week.

However, I want to clear up a misconception right off the bat: compassion does not mean condoning. We can have compassion for anyone–even for those with whom we profoundly disagree–without justifying their actions. Compassion and accountability can go hand-in-hand, and I believe both are needed in our world today.

And as a gentle reminder: this space is for solace and care—not debate or political discussion. Comments will be moderated for empathy.

Balm for a Broken World:

Sometimes it feels like society has become irrevocably broken. The wounds run so deep that they can feel impossible to heal, and it can be hard to envision a more compassionate future.

Untended pain has a way of spilling outward, rippling through the population.

Our minds are overstimulated. Our souls feel drained. Our bodies are exhausted. We are increasingly disconnected from each other, and many of us feel disconnected from our true selves.

We need compassion–for ourselves and for others–as we collectively navigate the dense fog of our times.

For too long, we have been told to stuff our emotions down, to silence our cries, to hide our pain. For too long, we have been told to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and carry on, while ignoring the raging storms inside our souls. Too many have been silenced, ignored, or invalidated by a society filled with people haunted by their own scars. It can be hard to care for the pain of others when no one acknowledged the pain you carry, so the cycles persist.

We are starved for compassion.

In my work as a therapist, I have observed that the one tool that people consistently struggle with the most is self-compassion. If we were not given adequate compassion by others, how can we learn to give it to ourselves? And if we cannot give it to ourselves, how can we hope to give it to others? This is a paradox of our age.

But it is important to note that compassion is not a blank check. We must balance compassion with accountability. Compassion does not condone. Compassion does not acquiesce. Compassion does not justify nor endorse wrongdoings. Compassion simply is. It is a gift freely given with no pre-requisites.

If you saw a stranger fall off of a bike and hit their head, would you try to figure out if they’re a good person? Would you find their social media to see if their views align with yours? Would you make them earn your compassion? Or would you call for help?

It feels simple in cases of bodily harm, but why shouldn’t emotional pain be the same? Compassion is simply recognizing suffering and wishing that the pain might be eased. No strings attached.

The piece that many miss, however, is the fact that two things can be true at once. We can offer someone compassion while abhorring their actions. We can wish for the easing of someone’s pain while condemning their views. Compassion is not compliance.

We can hold onto our compassion in one hand, and we can hold people responsible for the harm they have caused in the other hand. Both things are essential.

Compassion is a natural state when we view the other person as human. But there is an epidemic of dehumanization which is leading to a blunting of our natural compassion. We forget that the person behind the screen, that person in the car that cut us off, that person whose viewpoint we abhor…is a person. It’s easier to forget. It’s easier to hate and blame and shame and “other”.

But as we dehumanize each other, we are also dehumanizing ourselves. We’re further severing the thread that binds us all—the kinship of shared humanity.

It’s much easier to point the finger elsewhere than to meet our eyes in the mirror and examine the shadows in our own soul.

But we all have shadows. We are all walking around with unhealed wounds. It’s when we ignore them that we spread our pain. When we pretend the hurt isn’t there, it leaks out, sneaky and inconvenient. Untended pain passes from generation to generation until someone finally decides to meet it head on.

So I want to tell you today that your pain deserves compassion and care. Your anger deserves validation. Your fear deserves comfort. Maybe no one has ever truly told you that before. But your feelings matter.

And as we tend to our own feelings and we care for our own wounds, our capacity for love and compassion grows. We cannot snap our fingers and change the world, but perhaps the path toward a kinder, safer, more compassionate world begins at home–not as a substitute for justice but as fuel for it. We must care for ourselves so we can sustainably work toward a better world.

A Practice for Compassion:

This Loving-kindness (mettā) meditation comes from long-standing Buddhist traditions, but I’ve adapted it here for length and accessibility. It is one of my personal favorite meditation practices, and I hope that it serves you well this weekend.

You’re free to do whatever you need to do make the practice meet you where you are today: keep your eyes open, modify the words, or skip any step that doesn’t feel right. Simply trying the practice and meeting yourself where you are is an act of self-compassion. I hope you enjoy the guided audio below.

P.S. If you’d rather listen than read, an audio form of this post (including the guided meditation) is on the Centered with Abby Podcast here.

*This newsletter and audio are for educational purposes only and are not therapy or medical advice, nor do they establish a therapist–client relationship. If you’re struggling, please seek support from a qualified local professional. In the U.S., call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline; if you’re in immediate danger, call 911. Outside the U.S., contact your local emergency or crisis service.

It is so easy to get swept up by the busyness of life only to realize that we haven’t been giving our time and energy to the things that actually feel important. This practice is your opportunity to take stock and reset so you can move into this month with a clearer sense of focus.

You can use this as a guided journaling session, you could take this on a walk and use the questions as prompts for self-reflection, or you could practice this with a loved one and use the questions as guides for conversation. Feel free to use this however would be most helpful!

And if you’d like to share your intention for the month ahead, I’d love to hear it! Feel free to post in the comments below, and we can support each other.

If you enjoyed this practice, I’d also love to know. As I continue shaping the vision for this platform, I would love your feedback on what types of content is resonating.

Would you like a reflect & reset practice every month? What other content would you like to see? Guided meditations? Yoga classes? Embodied art practices? Essays? Let me know!

P.S. If you’re a paid subscriber, keep scrolling to get your bonus of the week. You’ll find all of the prompts written out, plus an herbal tea recipe curated for this mini-retreat.

A September Tea for Our Retreat

Thanks so much for being a paid subscriber. As a small thank-you for being here this month, I’m sharing a simple, cozy herbal tea blend that pairs beautifully with our retreat. A warm mug helps me drop into the moment and start the centering process, so I hope it brings you comfort and helps enhance your retreat experience.

Flavor of September

When I think of September, I immediately conjure up the taste of a crisp apple. To me, apples signify the gentle fading of summer into fall, so I wanted to incorporate apple flavor into our tea this month.

Though less common than cider or juice, apple tea can be a delicious way to embrace the tastes of the season.

Below you’ll find several options for making or procuring apple-flavored tea.

If you’d like to blend the tea yourself, you can often find loose leaf herbs in bulk at health food stores or herbal apothecaries for quite cheap. Or if you’d like to purchase a similar tea pre-blended, there are many variants of an apple-flavored tea for sale this time of year.

The Blend: Apple Spice Tea

Flavor: apple-forward with warm spice, soft florals, and a hint of citrus.
Makes: 1 big mug (12–14 oz). Scale as needed.

Ingredients (dried)

• 2 tsp dried apple pieces (or 1–2 Tbsp finely chopped fresh apple—see Method A)

• ½ tsp rose hips or orange peel

• ¼ tsp cinnamon chips (or a small crack of cinnamon stick)

• a pinch of ginger to taste

Brew: Cover with just-boiled water and steep 10–15 minutes. Strain. Sweeten lightly if you like—honey plays nicely—or enjoy as is.

Three easy ways to make it

Method A — Fresh Apple Simmer
Thinly slice ½ small apple. Add to a small pot with a cracked cinnamon stick, orange peel, and ginger (fresh or dried). Cover with 12–14 oz water; simmer 10 min. Remove from heat.

Method B — Pantry Blend (fastest)
Put the dried ingredients in an infuser. Steep 10–15 min, covered.

Method C — Store-Bought Shortcut
Brew an apple-spice/herbal “harvest” tea (2 bags, 10 min).

I hope you enjoy!

Reflect & Reset Ritual

Here are the questions we go over in the retreat written out for your convenience:

1. Spend a little time reflecting on the last month or so and complete the following sentence: “For me, August was…”

   1. Note: There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Just explore what comes up when you reflect on the last month. Of course, if you’re not doing this prompt in real time, change the wording to reflect on the previous month.

2. What were my top three highlights of the month?

3. What was hard over the last month? What were some challenges, frustrations, or setbacks that you faced? What didn’t go your way or what felt hard?

4. What lesson can you draw from the last month? What did you learn about yourself or the world? What did you learn from your challenges or frustrations? What do you want to take with you to make next month better?

5. Finish the following sentence: I want September to look like…

6. What are three things that you would like to focus on this month? What are your priorities and where would you like to place your time and energy?

7. What is one intention or theme that you would like to focus on this month? Pick a word, phrase, or sentence that will help you focus your time and energy this month.

8. What are 1-5 small action steps that you can take to make your intention a reality?

How did this ritual go for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts! And feel free to share your intention for the month in the comments below.

I originally envisioned my project on “living deeply” as the premise of a book. In fact, I have a Google Doc from 2019 with pages of bullet-pointed ideas for “The Live Deeply Project Book,” so clearly this is something that has been rattling around my brain for a long time. I dreamed of writing the next Eat, Pray, Love. I longed to go on a transformational journey, create a new reality for myself, and help others do the same.

Perhaps someday there will be a book; I haven’t given up on that yet. But here’s what I’ve realized since 2019: dreaming too big is one of the sneakiest ways I self-sabotage my goal of living deeply.

That might sound counterintuitive to anyone who knows me since I have always been a head-in-the-clouds dreamer, and I regularly advocate for people to follow their passions. I don’t believe that there’s anything inherently wrong with dreaming big and shooting for the stars; the world needs big dreamers.

My problem is that my dreams and the logistical realities often feel too far apart to co-exist.

My dreams are rarely small. When I dedicate myself to something, my mind tends to immediately jump from zero to one hundred.

As a beginning songwriter, I was plotting record deals and world tours before I had even played a local open mic night. As an eight-year-old on a swim team, my goal wasn’t just to do my best at local meets–it was to go to the Olympics someday. My goal for a Live Deeply Project book was not just to finish writing an entire book (which in and of itself is a gigantic feat); it wasn’t even just to have it published. I wanted to write something that changed lives—something that people would still be reading one hundred years from now.

That might sound crazy or grandiose, and I’m fully aware of that. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve had this internal drive pushing me to aspire for bigger things. It doesn’t come from any sense of superiority; I’m not trying to prove that I’m better than anyone else or more capable or that I deserve more than the next person. It comes from an inner fire, an innate tendency to push myself to the max just to see how far I can go. If I’m going to do something, I want to do it all the way, and I don’t want to die without leaving my mark on the world.

Though this comes from an authentic place, it has not always served me well. By my mid-to-late twenties, I had already experienced multiple rounds of burnout, had multiple existential crises about my career choices and accumulated a graveyard of plans and ideas.

My abandoned dreams tend to follow a predictable pattern. Initially, my soul ignites with possibilities. I feel so jazzed and elated, and I spend hours swirling ideas around in my mind like a fine wine, picturing how amazing it will be when they come to fruition. With energy and enthusiasm, I get to work. I obsessively pour my heart, mind, and soul into the project for months. I work in the evenings and weekends and whenever I have a spare moment–I think about it in the shower and as I’m falling asleep at night.

And then, inevitably, something drags me back to reality. The frenzy of excitement fades and the self-doubt kicks in. The shiny dream loses some of its polish, and the fine wine goes stale.

It’s like standing at a lookout point on a hike, seeing a landmark in the distance and thinking that’s not that far away; I can totally make it that far.

But then you hike for another hour, come to another lookout point, and you realize that the landmark doesn’t actually look much closer than it did an hour ago. If anything, it looks farther away. Your stomach drops. You have the sinking understanding that the proximity was a mirage. You’d have to hike another ten or twenty miles to get to the landmark, and you’re running out of daylight. Eventually, the voice of practicality drowns out the voice of possibility, and you give up. You turn around and start the trek back to the trailhead, convincing yourself that the landmark probably wasn’t even that cool anyway.

My twenties have been filled with unfinished hikes. Projects started, internal fires stoked. Thousands of hours spent pondering, creating, strategizing, only to realize that it would take me years to reach the landmark–if I ever make it there at all. So rather than scale back and reevaluate, I have a habit of hopping on a new trail.

I’m really not lazy. I work extremely diligently if I believe in a project, and I don’t tend to give up just because something gets hard. I tend to bail when I worry I might be failing. Once I become afraid of failing, I’m easily seduced by new dreams. Like a gambler hovering by the slot machines, I have convinced myself that the next lever I pull will be the one to pay off.

The next dream is always sexier than the current reality.

Of course the sensible response to my self-defeating pattern would be to find a series of smaller, more realistic goals. Rather than trying to be the next Joni Mitchell right away, start frequenting some open mics. Book local gigs. Do something and see how it lands. That’s the advice that I would give to any of my therapy clients in a similar predicament. But, to reinforce the cliche of helping professionals who don’t practice what they preach, that isn’t always what I’ve done.

Often the smaller goals feel disappointing, not quite good enough. They lack the sparkle and excitement of the big goal, and on some level, lowering the bar feels like I’ve already failed. So I become intoxicated with a new idea, convince myself it makes sense, focus my energy there for a while, then eventually give up when I realize how far away I am from the finish line.

I now have two albums worth of unrecorded songs, four partially-written books, several half-created online courses, numerous discarded business plans, and about 20 dreams that I haven’t even started working toward.

So what does this have to do with living deeply? A lot, as it turns out.

In my observation, many people have their own versions of this self-defeating pattern, and I believe it’s one of the common traps that prevents us from feeling a deep sense of satisfaction in our lives.

Humans long for completion. We derive a feeling of purpose from finished tasks. In past eras (or at least in my idealized visions of them), the tasks were often simpler: catch a fish, gather berries, start a fire. In today’s landscape, it can feel like our work is never done. We could always be doing more, or at the very least, we could be doing something else.

I think of it as the Tinder-ification of the world. When we start to become dissatisfied with the thing in front of us, we can swipe left and jump to the next thing. We’re inflicted with an illusion of infinite possibilities. The perpetual allure of greener grass keeps us running in circles, never actually getting where we want to go.

The problem is that our brain chemistry and our deeper existential longing for purpose are often working against each other.

The Dopamine Trap and the Allure of All-or-Nothing

You hear a lot about dopamine these days–that infamous neurotransmitter that fuels motivation. But something that a lot of people don’t realize is that dopamine has more to do with anticipation than completion. It rewards the chase—the possibility of a reward, the allure of “maybe this next thing will be the one.” That’s why starting a new dream feels intoxicating while slogging through the middle can feel so draining.

Our phones, apps, and online platforms exploit this wiring. Unpredictable rewards (sometimes you get something great, sometimes nothing) hook our motivation systems—that’s one reason why our feeds are so addicting. Each swipe, scroll, or notification hits the dopamine button just enough to keep us chasing.

But here’s the paradox: chasing gives us the thrill of movement without the deep joy of arrival. We end up addicted to beginnings, and we bail before we get to a satisfying end. We’re always running and never getting anywhere.

True satisfaction–the lasting kind, the kind that gives our lives a sense of meaning–usually comes not from the dopamine high but from the quieter, slower chemistry of completion and consistency—serotonin, endorphins, and the profound joy of knowing we’ve worked hard and finished something.

Unfortunately avoiding the dopamine trap can feel like swimming upstream. Our brain chemistry already sets us up to chase novelty. But then often some unhelpful thought patterns double down, convincing us to quit when things don’t feel perfect. Together, biology and psychology create a cycle that keeps us stuck.

This is the quick-and-dirty version of very complex systems; but the broad pattern holds: novelty amps the chase, and perfectionistic thinking nudges us to quit before we get to the end.

Not everyone has dreams of global domination in their field, but many people have fallen into their own version of these traps on a more day-to-day basis.

For instance, have you ever set a New Year’s resolution or tried to start a new habit or lifestyle change only to give up after a few weeks?

Maybe you tell yourself that you’d like to go to the gym five days per week. You’re really dedicated for a bit, but then life happens, and you miss a few sessions. Suddenly, it’s been a month, and you realize you haven’t gone to the gym at all. You feel a smoldering sense of shame, which you suppress by telling yourself that you’re not really a “gym person” after all.

Why do we do that?

To put on my therapist hat for a moment, this common pattern often partially stems from a type of cognitive distortion called all-or-nothing thinking. In all-or-nothing (sometimes called black-or-white) thinking, we only see the extremes. Something is either amazing or terrible, young or old, a success or a failure. The nuance, the middle, the gray all get painted over and cease to exist. We present ourselves with two options, and we must choose which of the two boxes we’re going to contort ourselves to fit into.

Black-or-white thinking is rampant in our society. It has probably always been a threat to human happiness, but I believe that social media is magnifying the problem. Algorithms love all-or-nothing content, so it spreads through the population like a contagious disease, infecting our thinking on and offline. We’re especially prone to all or nothing thinking when our nervous system is dysregulated–an unfortunately common occurrence in our always-on society. So many of us have unwittingly become indoctrinated into the cult of all-or-nothing.

In my case, the options that I presented myself with were to 1) do something “all the way” (e.g. be an Olympic swimmer or best-selling author or renowned songwriter) or 2) to not do it at all (e.g. hop to a new passion). Essentially, my subconscious mind decided that I can either be world-class at something (all), or I’m a failure who should just give up (nothing). The middle (being average or even slightly above average) does not “count.”

The thing is, there are almost always more than two options. You can almost always find gray, or even plaid or polka dot amidst the black and white.

And joy, contentment, and purpose are rarely black or white.

To live deeply, we must get comfortable with the messy middle, learn to love the gray, and favor progress over perfection. We need to spot these traps—or at least notice when we’re in them—so we can crawl out. We must slow down, step away from our screens sometimes, recenter, self-reflect, and hold ourselves with compassion when we’re not perfect. Because we won’t be.

If this feels hopeless—like you’ll never outsmart your dopamine system—here’s one counterintuitive fact that might help. Dopamine doesn’t only fire during the chase. It also fires when a finish is better than expected. That surprise signal is how the brain learns, and it’s our opening to rewire what feels rewarding.

We can’t control every outcome, but we can shape how we register it. Most of us blow past small wins and sprint to the next possibility, teaching our brain that small wins don’t count. What if we slowed down and savored the win—like stretching out the last few bites of a ridiculously good dessert? What if we let ourselves soak up the reward of small, incremental change?

Pause. Name the win. Let yourself feel proud. Take ten seconds to notice the “that counted” feeling. Small finishes, savored well, start to rewire what feels rewarding.

Living deeply isn’t just about finishing the hike. It’s about celebrating the milestones along the way.

P.S. If you’d rather listen to this as an audio essay, check it out on our podcast here.

Thanks for reading! I hope you have a nice rest of your week, and please let me know if there are any topics you’d like for me to explore next.

If you’re curious about how to actually implement some of these ideas, my paid subscribers can keep reading for some bonus content to help you take this from idea to action. Every paid subscription helps me afford to pour more time and energy into these articles and retreats, so I invite you to consider a paid subscriber— I try to make it high value for a reasonable price. (If you’re a paid subscriber, your bonus content is behind the paywall below, so keep scrolling).

Reflection Questions

I invite you to take some time with the following reflection questions. You can use them as journaling prompts, conversation starters with a friend or loved one, topics for a therapy session, or inquires to ponder as you go about your day.

1. What dreams, ideas, or plans have you given up on in your life? What happened? Did you genuinely lose interest, were there practical concerns, or could there have been some self-defeating patterns at play? Would you ever consider revisiting any of these past dreams?

2. What are some of your current dreams or goals? Is there anything holding you back? How do you determine whether an obstacle is worth trying to surmount vs a legitimate reason why you should stop pursuing this goal?

3. What are several small steps that you can take to make your current dreams closer to a reality? The smaller and more specific, the better! How can you celebrate each small win?

4. What is your relationship to black and white thinking? What are some situations in which you find yourself falling into an all-or-nothing headspace?

5. Consider a situation in your life currently that might be triggering some all-or-nothing thinking. Write a brief description of the situation, and then ask yourself the following questions: what else might be true? Where is the gray (or polka dot or plaid)?

6. What is one small step you can take this week to move closer to the life of your dreams?

Challenge for the Week

I invite you to intentionally savor and celebrate one small win per day. It can be extremely small to the point of feeling silly—any win will do. Pause and notice. Name the win. Let yourself feel proud. Savor the moment and commit that feeling to memory. At the end of the week reflect on what you notice. What did this challenge shift or change for you?

I’m so excited to share the Living Deeply Retreat Guide — a companion PDF I created to enrich your experience of the Living Deeply Mini Retreat.

This guide is more than just a transcript of the audio. It’s designed to be both practical and beautiful — something you’ll want to print, keep, and return to again and again. Inside, you’ll find:

• A tea meditation ritual to begin your retreat with presence (not included in the audio)

• Nourishing herbal tea blend recipes curated especially for this retreat

• All of the journaling prompts written out for easy reference

• Lined pages for your reflections

• Extra suggestions for deepening your retreat experience

Here’s a peek inside the guide:

If you’d like the full guide, there are two ways to get it:

1. Upgrade to a paid subscription — paid subscribers receive every retreat guide automatically. (If you are a paid subscriber, keep scrolling down for the download link).

2. Purchase individually — you can grab this guide as a one-time download in my online shop → [Mini-Retreat: Living Deeply in the Everyday - Payhip].

For Paid Subscribers :

Read more

So often we rush through our days — answering emails, crossing tasks off lists, moving from one thing to the next — without pausing to notice the texture of our own lives. Living deeply isn’t about adding more. It’s about slowing down enough to truly feel what’s here.

That’s what this 30-minute mini retreat is for.

I’ll guide you through gentle movement and breath to help your body settle, followed by a journaling practice that invites you to reflect on what living deeply means to you — and how you might weave more of it into your daily life.

You don’t need special equipment. Just a quiet space, a notebook, and the willingness to give yourself 30 minutes of undivided attention.

Imagine finishing this retreat feeling more present, grounded, and connected to what really matters. That clarity is always within reach — it just takes a pause to access it.

The Companion Guide

If you’d like to go deeper, I’ve created a beautiful companion booklet to enrich your retreat experience. Inside you’ll find:

• A tea meditation ritual to begin your retreat with presence (not included in the audio)

• Herbal tea blend recipes curated specifically for this retreat

• All the journaling prompts written out with lined pages for your reflections

• Extra tips for making the most of your retreat

I love being able to gift this guide to my paid subscribers — you’ll receive the full booklet automatically as part of your subscription. (You’ll get a separate email).

If you’d prefer a one-time purchase, the guide is also available in my online storefront → [purchase here]. For the cost of a latte, you can give yourself (or someone you love) the gift of presence, clarity, and pause.

Living deeply isn’t somewhere far away; it begins here, in this breath, in this choice to slow down and check in.

P.S. Each time I release a new mini retreat, paid subscribers receive the full companion booklet automatically — no extra steps needed. If you’d like ongoing access to these guides (plus other bonus resources along the way), consider upgrading your subscription. It’s a simple way to support this work and give yourself a deeper retreat experience each time.

Subscribe now

To read the full essay and access bonus journaling prompts/reflection questions, you can check out the original article here.

Thanks for listening!

“I wished to live deliberately...and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived... I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life” -- Henry David Thoreau from Walden

I’m going to be honest and admit that I’ve never actually finished Walden.

I tried once. It was summer vacation, and I was about twenty years old, sitting on a plane from Kansas City to Boston. I was in that pretentious college student phase where I thought reading classic literature, philosophy, and nonfiction “for fun” on my school breaks made me sophisticated.

I wanted to like Walden; I really did. A cabin in the woods, an escape from society—it sounded right up my alley. But I only got through about three chapters before I couldn’t take Thoreau’s ranting anymore. I’m pretty sure I gave up and switched to a magazine, and I haven’t felt much temptation to try again in the intervening eight years.

However, I recently stumbled on that famous quote again, and it spoke to me. More accurately, it haunted me. It kept slipping into my consciousness, taunting me, tapping me on the shoulder, and demanding my attention.

“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.”

I’ve seen this quote floating around many times before. It’s paraphrased on bumper stickers, notebook covers, and inspirational Instagram captions.

Every time I’ve encountered the quote, it’s sparked something within me, but never like this.

Something about it is stirring up my innards, forcing me into self-examination. I feel the words looming over me like the officer in a cop show, shining the harsh interrogation light onto my life and pressuring me into a confession.

Am I living deliberately?

Am I living deeply?

Am I living at all?

My knee-jerk responses to those questions terrified me.

Like Thoreau, I fear the prospect of lying on my deathbed and discovering that I had forgotten to truly live while I was alive. I fear discovering— only after it’s too late—that I wasted a perfectly good life.

And my life is good, generally speaking.

I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and gas in my car. I adore my husband. I have fabulous friends. I come from a loving family. I’m obsessed with my curmudgeonly fifteen year-old dog (even when he wakes me up at two in the morning). By many metrics, I’m living the dream.

And yet sometimes, I spend so much time dreaming that I forget to live.

Sometimes I feel like I’m sleepwalking through life. Like the days bleed together, the weeks sprint along, the seasons disappear into each other until one day I blink and three years have passed. As I near the end of my twenties, I can’t help but feel that I somehow forgot to be young while I had the chance.

Now, I don’t want to be overly dramatic, nor do I want to sound ungrateful. I have had plenty of moments in which I paused along the way to appreciate my life. I really do try to slow down to smell the roses on occasion. And like anyone, I have those flashbulb memories that feel vivid and rich with detail—those beautiful moments when time seems to have grown more expansive through retrospect.

But I don’t want to live through my memories. I want to savor every drop of the moment before it becomes a memory.

I want to live, not just remember living.

Sometimes my life feels like taking a bullet train through a gorgeous landscape. I technically saw the sights. I appreciated the view for thirty seconds through the window as the train sped across the tracks on its way to some more important destination. But can I really say I’ve seen a place that I only briefly passed through?

My soul longs for a life where I can get off the train, breathe the crisp air, feel the grass under my feet, throw my hands in the air, and twirl around a la Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. I may have seen the sights from the smudged window, but I’m bypassing the experience. And I know I’m not alone in that feeling.

As a therapist, I have the privilege of listening to people’s thoughts and fears on a regular basis, and for years I have sensed a collective desire for deeper living. It’s what’s missing from many therapy modalities, and it’s what’s missing from most of our lives. True mental wellness—true aliveness—requires more than symptom reduction.

From conversations with friends to posts from strangers on social media to sessions in my therapy office, I have been continually confronted with this mass yearning for something more. More joy, more purpose, more connection, more peace, more presence. And a need for something less. Less stress, less rushing, less scrolling, less complication, less chaos.

Essentially, we long for a different way of life. We long to slow down enough to experience the fullness of the moment, to squeeze out every last drop and let the flavor linger on our tongues.

The problem is we can’t all quit our jobs and move to a cabin in the woods. Even if we could, I doubt that would really solve anything.

We must find this new way of living within ourselves, within the confines of our own reality.

It’s one thing to live deeply when you’re on vacation in a gorgeous location with few distractions or responsibilities, but I want to carry that feeling with me into the mundanity and stress of daily life.

I want to live deeply in the everyday.

Though it may be hard, I do believe it’s possible. And I’m making it my mission to discover how (and to help others do the same).

I was planning on spending some time in this essay analyzing what went wrong in our society that has led so many of us to crave a new way of life. I found it easy to point the finger of our collective discontent at social media or chronic overscheduling or corporate culture or capitalism or any number of aspects of our modern era (and I do believe that all of those things make deep living extraordinarily challenging in the 21st century).

But as I was writing about the woes of our modern era, I realized something; this desire for deeper living isn’t new. Thoreau wrote about it in the 1850s. The Stoics wrote about it in Ancient Rome. There are aspects of it woven within spiritual, religious, and philosophical texts across time and culture. Wanting to live more deeply seems to be a feature of the human condition, and people have likely wrestled with this concept in some shape or form since the beginning of time.

But now it’s our turn.

It’s time for a new generation to wrestle with the age-old question—this time within a societal context that thwarts deep living at every turn. How do we “suck out all the marrow of life,” get off the bullet train, end our sleepwalking, and take our lives back?

How do we live deeply in a shallow age?

This project is my attempt to find out. Everything you’ll read, hear, or practice here is aimed at that one goal—learning to trade autopilot for aliveness. I’ll be blending my personal experiences and insights with my professional expertise and my passion for teaching and facilitation to create something new—an online community/newsletter/studio/classroom/retreat center designed to be a hub for deep living in the everyday. We’ll combine insight with action, reflection with real world application, and curiosity with community to help you create the life you want to be living.

If this is resonating with you–if you feel that same existential tug–please consider subscribing so you can join me on this mission to live more deeply (and to help others do the same).

Subscribe now

And if you’d like to spread the word, please share this with a friend (or two or ten). I’m trying to build a genuine community of like-minded people, and I’d love your help reaching as many as possible.

Share

Finally, I invite you to introduce yourself in the comments. What has made you feel alive lately? I’d love to know.

Journaling/Reflection Questions:

Centered with Abby is all about sparking introspection to help you turn insight into action. I invite you to use the following questions to inspire some reflection this week. Feel free to use these as journaling prompts, conversation topics with friends or family, or simply questions to ponder throughout your week.

1. How does the Thoreau quote at the beginning of the article make you feel? Read it again and notice your gut response. What does it make you think about? What emotions does it stir up within you? Does it evoke a physical reaction?

2. What does “living deeply” mean to you? Do you feel like you are living deeply or is that something you’d like to work on?

3. If you knew that your time on earth was limited, what would you change about the way that you’re living?

4. Can you think of a time when you were truly “living deeply”? Was there something about the circumstances, your actions or mindset, or any other factor that helped you live more deeply during this time? How can you draw inspiration from that time?

5. What is one small step you can take this week to move toward more presence and aliveness?

P.S. If you’d rather listen to an audio of this essay, you can find it on the podcast here.

This trailer will outline some of the vision behind the upcoming offerings, but I want to hear from you!

What are you most interested in? Guided practices like mini-retreats, meditations, and journaling practices? Audio essays? Q+As? Interviews?

Let me know in the comments, and I’ll take your feedback into account as I design this season. :)

Hi there!

If you remember Mind Body Maven, you’ll know it’s been quiet on here for a while.

Thank you for staying on the list and not hitting unsubscribe while I took some time to step back and figure out the future of this Substack.

I’m excited to announce that I am in the process of relaunching—this time with a new name and clearer mission—and I’m so excited to share the new vision with you.

What’s changing

I’ve spent this hiatus refining my work and doing some soul searching about the type of content that I feel most passionate about sharing.

The result is a new project — Centered with Abby — and this newsletter is coming along for the ride.

Mind Body Maven focused on holistic wellness tips based on my knowledge as a psychotherapist, functional nutrition counselor, and yoga instructor.

Centered with Abby will keep the best of these elements, but it will go even deeper. The mission of the new project is to help take people from life on autopilot to life that feels vivid, grounded, and purposeful. It’s science-meets-soul and psychology-meets-philosophy. We’re moving beyond the mind-body connection to create a truly holistic vision for wellbeing that will help you go from autopilot to feeling fully alive.

Centered with Abby will be more than a newsletter. I envision it as a movement, a community, and an online wellness studio rolled into one. It’s the resource I wish I had to keep me grounded and centered amidst the chaos of the last few years, so now I’m creating it for you.

In a world of information overload, where we waste so much time and energy deciding where to put our attention, I want to make it simple for you. I want to create an online refuge where you can count on finding something that brings you back to your center every week. No spam, no gimmicks—just an invitation into aliveness.

What you can expect

• Short essays that spark reflection (text and audio)

• Guided “mini‑retreats” and monthly resets to help you return to your center

• Classes & workshops—yoga, somatics, mindfulness, SomaSong® song circles, meditation, movement, embodied arts, and more

• Journaling prompts and actionable exercises

• Live Q&As and community gatherings

• Early access to courses & our upcoming online circle

TL;DR: same human behind the keyboard, clearer mission, richer toolkit.

If you’d like to read more, please check out our updated “About” page here.

Do I need to do anything?

Nope. If you’re subscribed, you’ll keep getting the free posts. Later in the year I’ll open an optional paid tier for those who want to dig deeper with access to extra practices, community calls, and more. However, the free emails will remain free.

Tell me what you’d like to see next

As I shape this new vision, I’d love to hear from you about what kind of content you are most interested in.

1. Formats you prefer (essay, podcast, meditation, yoga class, at-home retreat).

2. Topics that light you up or pain points you need solved.

Let me know in a comment or email, and I’ll be happy to keep your feedback in mind.

Talk soon,
Abby

P.S. If life has taken you in a different direction and you’d rather not stay on the list, no hard feelings — you can unsubscribe at any time.

Blood Sugar, Snacks, and Mental Health

Snacks can be an overlooked element of nutrition. Though different eating patterns work best for different people, many find that they feel their best when they eat small snacks between meals.

Diet culture has often vilified the idea of snacking, but snacks can absolutely be part of a healthy diet. In fact, healthy snacks can be the ticket to avoiding big swings in blood sugar throughout the day—an often-overlooked factor in both physical and mental health.

Though we typically hear about blood sugar in the context of conditions like diabetes, it is incredibly common for people without diagnosed medical conditions to experience small swings in blood sugar. 

Have you ever felt “hangry”? That’s usually a sign of low blood sugar (e.g. mild hypoglycemia).

Mild hypoglycemia can also involve other mind-body symptoms such as anxiety, irritability, sadness, or generally low mood, low energy (commonly experienced as an “afternoon crash”), and difficulty concentrating. 

Whenever I have a client who consistently notices dips in mood or spikes in anxiety during specific times of day, I become curious about their eating habits. While the blood sugar/mental health connection deserves an entire article of its own, just know that small, protein and fiber-rich snacks can make a big difference in blood sugar-mediated mental health symptoms. 

Some of the most common reasons for these low blood-sugar mediated symptoms include eating sugary/carbohydrate-rich foods/drinks without adequate protein or fiber (leading to a spike in blood sugar, followed by an overcorrection and then a crash in blood sugar), going too long between meals, inadequate food intake in general (e.g. forgetting to eat, skipping a meal, or just not eating enough for your body’s needs), or exercising without sufficient fuel.

If you suspect that blood sugar dips might be impacting you, preparing some easy, healthy snacks might be your ticket to keeping your mood and energy levels steady throughout the day.

Please note that all of the signs and symptoms I mentioned are indicative of mild hypoglycemia. When hypoglycemia becomes more severe, the signs and symptoms are different (e.g. shakiness, sweating, heart palpitations, dizziness, etc.), and it can become a medical emergency if left untreated. High blood sugar levels are also a concern, but for the sake of keeping this article to a manageable length, I won’t go into detail on high blood sugar today.

Abby’s Energy Bites

If you’re looking to work on daily blood sugar balance, I hope these energy bites will be a nice starting place for you. I find that having some easy-to-grab snacks makes a huge difference in my ability to keep my blood sugar regulated throughout the day, and I hope this snack will help you too.

Although I don’t follow an exact recipe, I will give you my formula for making these energy bites, so you can experiment and make them at home. The reason for this method is simple; if I made the exact same recipe every week, I know that I would quickly get tired of it. My solution was to create a basic formula but change the flavors each week to increase both the variety of tastes and the variety of nutrients.

The base of this snack comes from dates, nuts, and seeds. Dates hold the energy bites together due to their sticky texture, and they provide a bit of sweetness. Nuts and seeds provide the crunchiness, as well as the protein and healthy fat. Optional mix-ins might include cocoa powder, shaved coconut, vanilla extract, sea salt, cinnamon, maple syrup, another dried fruit, or any other flavoring you’d like to experiment with.

Instructions

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees (F)

2. Spread your nuts and seeds in a single layer on a baking sheet. I use a Silpat baking mat to prevent sticking, but you could also use parchment paper, or just grease the pan with a healthy oil.

3. Once the oven is preheated, bake your nuts and seeds for 5-10 minutes until toasted. You’ll know they’re done when they have a slightly golden, toasted appearance. Check on them frequently because nuts can go from perfect to burned fairly quickly.

   1. *Note: Toasting the nuts and seeds is totally optional. The recipe will work just fine with raw nuts/seeds, but I find that toasting enhances the flavor. If you’re short on time, it’s definitely fine to skip the toasting, though.

4. While your nuts and seeds are toasting, remove the pits of your dates (if applicable). Some dates come pre-pitted, so if your dates don’t have pits, obviously skip this step.

5. Once the nuts and seeds have had some time to cool, add nuts, seeds, dates, and mix-ins to a food processor. Blend until the nuts and seeds are chopped into fine pieces, and the entire mixture is a sticky texture appropriate for rolling into small balls.

6. Roll mixture into small balls, and store in an air-tight container for up to a week.

Ingredients:

I will provide some ideas for ingredients in different categories. I recommend picking at least one nut and one seed in addition to your dates. I have never tried the recipe without dates, but I imagine that you could replace the dates with a nut butter to help hold the rest of the mixture together. Mix-ins are optional, but they can add additional flavor (and nutrients).

• Nuts/seeds (pick 2-4):

  • almonds

  • walnuts

  • cashews

  • pecans

  • Brazil nuts

  • pistachios

  • macadamia nuts

  • hazelnuts

  • pumpkin seeds

  • sunflower seeds

  • hemp hearts

  • flax seeds

  • chia seeds

• “Glue” ingredient (e.g. what makes the batter stick together. Pick at least 1)

  • Dates

  • Almond butter

  • Cashew butter

  • Peanut butter

  • Sunbutter

• Mix-ins (Pick 1+ for flavor)

  • Cocoa powder

  • Vanilla extract

  • Maple syrup

  • Honey

  • Oats

  • Cinnamon

  • Almond extract

  • Shaved coconut

  • Dark chocolate shavings

  • Cacao nibs

  • Dried cherries

  • Dried blueberries

  • Dried apple

  • Dried cranberries

  • Sea salt

** For proportions—I don’t usually measure my ingredients. I typically just go by feel, and I use the texture to gauge whether or not I have the proportions right. If the batter is too crumbly/dry, I know I need more dates. If it’s too sticky, I need more nuts/seeds. To give you an idea of proportions, though, last time I made these, I used an entire 9 oz container of dates, and I filled a standard 13”X18” baking sheet with nuts and seeds. The mixture turned out slightly too crumbly, so I added a splash of maple syrup (because I ran out of dates), and that gave it a perfect texture.

Notes:

• Dates vary in texture and consistency. If your dates are not very soft and sticky, you can soak them in warm water for 10-15 minutes to improve the texture.

• If the energy bites are too crumbly, and the balls aren’t holding their shape well, it’s helpful to add another sticky “glue” ingredient. If you have extra dates, the easiest solution might be to add a few more dates to the mixture. You could also add a touch of maple syrup, honey, molasses, nut butter, or some other dried fruit. While it’s good to be mindful of glycemic index and sugar content, I have found that sometimes just a teaspoon of maple syrup helps the texture immensely, and divided among an entire batch of energy bites, it will not add much sugar to each individual ball. On the flip side, if the bites are too wet or sticky, add more dry ingredients. It’s more of an art than a science.

• For optimal nutrition, it can be helpful to eat a wide variety of plants in order to obtain a wide range of vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients. This recipe is a great way to pack several different plant foods into one snack. If possible, I recommend trying for at least one nut and at least one seed in this recipe. However, I have been known to cram 5-6 different nuts/seeds into my energy bites. Experiment and see what you like.

• Refrigerating these might help them hold their texture better, but I typically store these energy bites in a Pyrex container at room temperature. Since I am fairly new to making these, I have only ever made them in the winter, but in warmer months, they might do better stored in the refrigerator. If you make more than you can eat in one week, you could also freeze some for later. I have found that they tend to start going a little stale around the one week mark.

• Due to the high fiber content of these energy bites, you might experience some digestive distress if you eat too many. They are also fairly calorie-dense, so depending on how large you shape them, 1-2 balls per sitting is typically a good serving size. 

Nutrition Info:

1. Dates: Dates contain natural sugar (primarily fructose), which provides a quick source of energy. However, they also contain fiber, which slows down the absorption of sugar, helping to prevent spikes in blood sugar levels. Dates are also a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin B6, and iron.

2. Protein: Nuts and seeds are excellent sources of plant-based protein. Protein is important in blood sugar balance because it helps slow down the digestion and absorption of carbohydrates, and it makes the snack more satiating.

3. Healthy Fats: The nuts and seeds in these energy bites provide healthy fats, including monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats. These fats help to keep you feeling full longer and slow the release of sugars into the bloodstream, contributing to more stable blood sugar levels.

4. Fiber: Both dates and seeds are high in fiber, which is beneficial for digestive health. Fiber helps to regulate blood sugar levels by slowing down carbohydrate digestion and sugar absorption.

5. Antioxidants: Nuts, seeds, and optional mix-ins like cocoa powder and dried fruits are rich in antioxidants. These compounds combat oxidative stress and inflammation in the body, which is beneficial for overall physical and mental health.

6. Micronutrients: This snack is a powerhouse of various vitamins and minerals. For example, magnesium found in nuts and seeds aids in glucose metabolism and energy production. Depending on the specific ingredients you choose, this snack might also provide zinc, copper, vitamin E, selenium, manganese, calcium, iron, and omega-3 fatty acids.

I hope this post was help for you, and I hope you enjoy these energy bites! Feel free to share this post with someone else who might benefit and help us grow our Mind Body Maven community.

P.S. Do you have a favorite healthy snack? I will likely do an article in the future compiling a list of snack recipes, so feel free to comment below with your favorite recipes! Happy snacking!

I have been hearing a lot of buzz about NSDR in the online wellness space since Dr. Andrew Huberman discussed it on his popular podcast in 2021.

While Huberman is credited with coining the term NSDR and popularizing the concept, he did not actually invent this type of mind-body tool. Its predecessor, yoga nidra, has been used for centuries, and it has long been one of my favorite tools to use when I’m having trouble falling asleep, when I need some deep relaxation, and when I’m tired during the day and need something to help me quickly feel refreshed.

NSDR vs Yoga Nidra: What’s the Difference?

I have often seen the terms NSDR and yoga nidra used interchangeably, and although they refer to similar practices, they are not exact synonyms. For sake of clarity, I want to touch briefly on their similarities and differences.

Yoga nidra is a form of NSDR, but not all NSDR is yoga nidra. It’s kind of like how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares.

NSDR is an umbrella term that encompasses many different practices designed to foster a state of deep physical relaxation, while keeping the mind in a state that is awake and aware. Yoga nidra is a particular technique that falls under the NSDR umbrella.

Yoga nidra, sometimes called “yogic sleep” is a practice designed to bring you into a state similar to hypnagogia (that dreamy state between sleep and wakefulness, right before you fall asleep). Authentic yoga nidra is more than just a relaxation technique; it’s part of a larger spiritual and philosophical system, with roots in the yogic and Tantric traditions in India.

Though NSDR practices often borrow yoga nidra techniques, the emphasis in NSDR typically centers on physical and mental relaxation, whereas yoga nidra practices may be more likely to include a focus on the subconscious mind, spiritual elements, and self-development (in addition to physical and mental relaxation).

Additionally, yoga nidra practices are often longer in duration than NSDR practices. Of course, there are exceptions (you can find plenty of 10-15 minute yoga nidra videos floating around the internet), but I was taught that traditionally it is believed that a yoga nidra practice should be at least twenty minutes to receive optimal benefit. In fact, many yoga studios offer hour-long yoga nidra classes. The longer duration allows for the incorporation of more techniques, and many people find that they are able to enter into a deeper state of relaxation with a longer practice.

In contrast, NSDR practices are often shorter in duration, designed to fit more easily into a busy schedule.

Benefits and Uses of NSDR and Yoga Nidra

As a holistic psychotherapist, I frequently recommend yoga nidra and NSDR to clients. Clinically, I have seen particular benefits for people experiencing sleep difficulties and for any concern involving nervous system dysregulation (e.g. chronic stress, trauma, anxiety, burnout, etc.).

However, I do think that nearly everyone could use more deep relaxation in their lives, so these practices have the potential to be beneficial across the board. I find that NSDR and yoga nidra are great as part of a nighttime routine to help bring the body into a state of deep relaxation before bed. However, many people enjoy using it as a mid-day break, or even as a morning ritual.

Though research on yoga nidra and NSDR is somewhat limited, there have been some studies that have found that yoga nidra can improve symptoms of stress, depression, anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, and even symptoms of some physical ailments like migraines. As the popularity of NSDR increases, I am hopeful that we will continue to see an increase in research on the topic and an increase in its usage clinically.

One disclaimer: though NSDR and yoga nidra have a wide range of applications, there may be some instances in which they are counterproductive. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits all approach, so if you find that yoga nidra or NSDR increase feelings of stress or anxiety, that’s ok. It could be an indication that you need to pair it with another mind-body tool, or that it just isn’t a good fit for you right now. Trust your own instincts and use every mind-body practice as an opportunity to learn more about yourself.

Guided NSDR Practice

The video I’m sharing is most accurately categorized as NSDR. However, I am borrowing the yoga nidra technique of “body rotation” as a tool for deep relaxation, so I am calling it NSDR inspired by yoga nidra. I hope you enjoy the practice, and I hope it helps you find at least a few minutes of deep rest.

I have also posted this guided practice to the Mind Body Maven YouTube channel here: NSDR/Yoga Nidra for Deep Relaxation (youtube.com), so feel free to check it out on YouTube as well.

I hope you enjoy, and feel free to let me know in the comments if you have any further questions about NSDR or yoga nidra. Or if you have any other mind-body tools you’d like for me to explore in a future article, I’m happy to take requests.

As always, if you know someone who might benefit from this practice, feel free to share this free resource with them, and help us build the Mind Body Maven community.

I love a good New Year ritual. Though I haven’t always been a big New Year's resolution person (I believe that change is possible any time of year, and I don’t like the pressure many feel to engage in “self-improvement” each January), I do love an excuse to reflect on my intentions and goals for the coming year.

This guided journaling practice is designed to help you reflect on your dreams for 2024 and to help you turn those dreams into specific, achievable action steps.

Though I am recording this practice around the start of the new year, you can use this practice any time you want to set some goals and intentions.

Additionally, I think that there is something nice about practicing along with a guided audio, but if you prefer to have the prompts written out, here is a list of the basic prompts that we will be covering during our time together:

1. Take a moment to reflect broadly on the things you most value, or the areas of your life that you most want to prioritize this year. Keep it broad. These could be things like health, career, relationships, mental health, comfort, adventure, creativity, spirituality, helping others, etc. Feel free to make a bullet point list, or you can also free-write.

2. Looking at the values that you identified in question 1, pick one to focus on for this practice. We are going to call this the theme for the practice. 

3. Write about why you value this theme. Why is it important or meaningful to you? Spend a few minutes reflecting here.

4. Now spend some time writing about what you want this area of your life to look like in the next year. Allow yourself to imagine and dream. No need to censor yourself. In an ideal world, what would this area of your life look like over the next year?

5. Read over what you wrote for question 4. Can you distill your core desires for this theme into one sentence? This sentence does not need to include everything you desire, but it should capture the basic idea. We will call this sentence your intention.

6. Can you come up with at least one goal to help you achieve your intention? How do you want to make your intention a reality?

7. Take a look at your goal and see if you can reword it in the form of a SMART goal. SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. See if you can turn your goal or goals from question 6 into goals with the SMART qualities.

8. If you made more than one SMART goal, choose one to focus on for now. For that SMART goal, make a list of small action steps that you can take to achieve the goal. How will you break this goal into small, easy steps?

9. Pick one action step from your list and commit to taking that action step as soon as you can. Sometimes it can be helpful to make the first action step comically small to start building your confidence. No matter how small the action step, make sure you allow yourself to celebrate. You are paving the way toward meeting your goal. 

For the next several months, I invite you to regularly check back in with your intention and goals. Repeat the journaling process as many times as you need, and make sure you stay flexible. If a goal isn’t working, feel free to adjust. Maybe you need to break it into smaller action steps or pick a new goal to help you work toward the same intention.

I hope you find this helpful, and I wish you a happy start to 2024!

I am of the belief that enjoying good food is an important part of life, and to me, the holidays wouldn’t feel complete without a few Christmas cookies.

However, I know firsthand the difficulty of finding holiday treats to enjoy if you have a food allergy, intolerance, or sensitivity. When you’re newly navigating dietary restrictions, it can feel impossible to safely enjoy the foods of the season since most cookies and cakes contain gluten, dairy, eggs, and any number of other common allergens.

However, it is entirely possible to make allergy-friendly treats that are easy and delicious, and I’ve saved you some work by rounding up some recipes that you might want to experiment with this holiday season.

Even if you don’t personally have any dietary restrictions, it can be helpful to have a few allergy-friendly recipes in your back pocket to make sure everyone has something they can eat at your next gathering. 

Additionally, while I wouldn’t call these recipes healthy per se, I would consider most of them to be health-conscious. In other words, these recipes are still dessert, but I have chosen recipes that are at least somewhat more nutritious than your average holiday treat. Most of these recipes are significantly lower in refined sugar than your average dessert recipe, and they avoid artificial ingredients. So, if you have a goal of eating healthier or scaling back on refined sugar this holiday season, these recipes might be a nice starting place.

Also, I would like to be upfront that not every recipe here is free of every common allergen. 

My personal dietary needs require me to avoid gluten at all costs and to limit dairy where I can, so this selection of recipes reflects those specific dietary restrictions. However, I will try to write up modifications to make these recipes nut-free (if possible), soy-free (if they aren’t already), and egg-free. My apologies if your food allergy or sensitivity is not covered by these recipes.

Here is a list of holiday recipes that are on my list to try out this year:

Vegan Eggnog: 

Find the recipe here: Creamy Vegan Eggnog Recipe (Dairy-Free, Egg Free) - Shane & Simple (shaneandsimple.com)

Features: Gluten free, dairy free, egg free, refined sugar free, vegan, soy free, peanut free, tree nut free (modification)

For those eggnog lovers trying to avoid dairy, eggs, or refined sugar, this recipe looks delightful. I love the simple ingredients and the customizability. If you can’t have tree nuts, you can substitute the cashew milk for something nut-free like oat milk, dairy milk or cream (if you can tolerate dairy), rice milk, or seed milk. 

One quick note: I believe that the coconut milk is meant to give the recipe an eggnog-like creaminess, so if you decide to omit the coconut milk, you might want to replace it with something else creamy. Otherwise, the recipe should still taste good, it just won’t have that thicker eggnog-like consistency.

Healthier Hot Cocoa

Find the recipe here: https://www.wellplated.com/healthy-hot-chocolate/

Features: Gluten free, dairy free (with modification), egg free, vegan (with modification), soy free, peanut free, tree nut free, low refined sugar

You won’t regret trading in your powdered cocoa mix for this homemade goodness. In my opinion, homemade hot chocolate tastes 1,000 times better than the store-bought equivalent, and it is fairly quick and easy to make. Plus, by making your own, you avoid a number of highly-processed and artificial ingredients found in many cocoa mixes.

To make this recipe dairy free and vegan, make sure you use non-dairy milk and vegan chocolate chips. Ditto for soy allergies– check on your brand of chocolate since some chocolate chips contain soy. 

I have found that oat milk works great as a base for hot cocoa (just make sure it’s a gluten-free oat milk if your diet requires it). Most nut milks would also taste delicious if you’d like a substitute for dairy.

If you’re really feeling fancy, top it with some homemade marshmallows, like these: 

While I have not yet tried this gut-friendly marshmallow recipe out myself, it has been on my list for a long time.

Gluten-Free Almond Cookies

Find the recipe here: https://www.eatingbirdfood.com/almond-flour-crescent-cookies/

Features: Gluten free, dairy free (with modification), egg free, vegan (with modification), soy free, peanut free

Making this recipe has become one of my Christmas traditions. I have made these cookies literally every year since I went gluten free in college, and I adore them. There is a decent amount of powdered sugar in this recipe, so I wouldn’t exactly call it a health food, but the recipe is simple, easy, and delicious. 

Though the recipe calls for butter, I have tried it with traditional butter, vegan butter, ghee, and coconut oil, and I honestly thought each version of the cookie turned out fine, so choose the option that works best for you.

One downside of this recipe is that it does not produce very many cookies, so I usually double the recipe if I’m making a small batch and quadruple the recipe if I’m making it for a crowd.

Unfortunately, I can’t think of a good way to make these cookies free of tree nuts since almond flour and pecans are key ingredients, so you’ll likely need to skip this one if you have a tree nut allergy. 

Chocolate Peppermint Truffles

Find the recipe here: https://freshwaterpeaches.com/dairy-free-dark-chocolate-peppermint-truffles/

Features: Gluten free, Dairy free, egg free, vegan, soy free, peanut free, tree nut free (with modification), low refined sugar

These truffles look easy and delicious, and they are naturally free of most common allergens. As with the hot chocolate recipe, I encourage you to check your chocolate chip ingredients if you are avoiding dairy or soy. Many chocolate chip brands contain small amounts of dairy and/or soy, and many brands are processed in facilities with other allergens, so if that is a problem for you, make sure to choose an allergy-friendly brand of chocolate (“Enjoy Life” is a good option).

If you cannot have coconut products, I would try substituting coconut flour for another light gluten-free flour like rice flour, cassava flour, or arrowroot flour. Coconut milk could be substituted for any other dairy-free milk. 

Additionally, if you are trying to go refined sugar-free, you could replace the chocolate chips with 100% pure dark chocolate.

Paleo Gingerbread Cookies

Find the recipe here: Paleo Gingerbread Cookies |Paleo Recipes (themerrymakersisters.com/paleo-gingerbread-cookies/)

Features: Gluten free, dairy free, soy free, peanut free, tree nut free, no refined sugar, paleo, vegan and egg free (with modification)

While I have not yet tried this recipe, it looks like a fairly healthy take on classic gingerbread. Low in sugar and high in healing spices like ginger, cinnamon, and nutmeg, this recipe definitely fits the bill for healthy-ish dessert.

To make this recipe egg-free, use a flax egg instead of a chicken egg. Likewise, if you are trying to make this vegan, use a flax egg and substitute honey for another sweetener like maple syrup.

Do you have a favorite allergy-friendly holiday dessert? Feel free to share in the comments below. Happy holidays!

I have noticed in both my personal and professional life that the presence of emotional pain is a double-edged sword in friendships and relationships. Pain has the power to either promote greater connection with loved ones or to create greater division between them. 

Some people thrive in the role of emotional caretaker; when their loved ones are suffering, they shine with their ability to comfort and support. Unfortunately, though, many people tend to flounder when confronted with negative emotions, and in doing so, they often inadvertently cause their loved ones even more pain. 

Many of us were never taught how to effectively sit with someone else’s negative emotions. Perhaps our caregivers and mentors rarely sat with ours. Many of us grew up watching parents and teachers tell our upset peers to be quiet and stop crying. We were surrounded by toxic tropes like “real men don’t cry,” and “women need to suppress their emotions to be taken seriously.”

The stiff upper lip mentality is still alive and well, and many people simply don’t know how to cope when the stiff lip begins to quiver. 

While everyone has different emotional needs and desires, and there is no one-size-fits-all way to comfort someone who is upset, I wanted to touch on a few tips to help you better support your loved ones (and yourself) in the face of difficult emotions. 

Validation, validation, validation.

One of the best things that you can do for someone who is feeling upset is to communicate (verbally or nonverbally) that their emotions are valid. Sit with them in their pain. Let them feel seen and supported in their raw emotions.

That is essentially all we want when expressing our emotions—someone to show us that they see our struggle and that they understand.

Too often, I see people implicitly (and often accidentally) communicate that they don’t support their loved one’s emotions. Usually, it isn’t out of any malice. Many people are just repeating the behaviors that were modeled to them as children. But regardless of intention, the behavior can end up feeling quite hurtful, and I have seen this type of situation cause serious rifts in relationships.

Perhaps the most common version of this is when someone jumps too quickly to problem solving or trying to make someone feel better.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with trying to cheer someone up; after all, no one wants their loved ones to be upset. However, timing matters.

If we skip the validation and go straight to trying to “make it better,” we often inadvertently make it worse. 

Sometimes this takes the form of looking for silver linings or forcing gratitude upon someone before they’re ready. 

For instance, let’s say your friend comes to you feeling upset because they did not get the promotion at work that they wanted. Often, I see people respond along the lines of “Don’t worry about it. At least you still have a good job. You’ll probably get the promotion next time.” 

The friend who responds this way likely has good intentions; they probably want to boost their friend’s confidence and cheer them up. However, if the initial response is silver-lining-finding, without leaving any room for your friend to express their true emotions (and without you showing that you understand why they might be feeling difficult emotions), the meta-communication is “You shouldn’t be upset about this. Let’s move on.”

Gratitude and meaning making can be excellent methods of helping someone feel better, but only after you have allowed them to adequately process and express their raw feelings about the situation. 

If you immediately jump to trying to make someone feel better, you implicitly communicate 1) I don’t think your emotions about the situation are valid; 2) Your negative emotions make me uncomfortable; 3) I’m only here for you if you express a positive outlook. 

So what can we do instead? Often, it’s as simple as explicitly acknowledging the pain. Before trying to cheer your loved one up, ask yourself if you have adequately validated them yet. You might think it’s obvious to your friend that you feel for them, but unless you say it out loud, they might walk away from the conversation thinking you don’t care. 

Here are a few helpful phrases that can go a long way:

• “That must have been really hard.”

• “I completely understand why you would feel that way.”

• “I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes.”

• “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

• “This really sucks, and I want you to know I’m here for you.”

• “I wish there was something I could say to make this better, but I know I can’t.”

We don’t have to spend all night languishing in our friend’s negative emotions—ruminating about negative events for prolonged periods of time is rarely helpful either. But we do need to communicate that we accept and support our loved ones while they’re having negative emotions and let them know that it is safe to express themselves in our presence. Then, once we’ve adequately validated, we can find a way to invite positive emotions back into the picture. 

Importantly, we can apply all of these same principles to ourselves.

If you were frequently emotionally invalidated as a child, you likely emotionally invalidate yourself as an adult. Many people dismiss their own negative emotions or invalidate themselves before others even have a chance to validate them. You might not open up to others when you’re hurting, or you might dismiss other’s validation when you do open up (e.g. expressing that the painful situation “isn’t a big deal” when people try to give you support). One of the best ways to teach yourself to accept the validation of others is to learn how to first validate yourself.

If you find yourself experiencing negative emotions, try naming the emotion internally, saying something to yourself like “wow, I feel really angry right now.” Notice how the emotion is showing up for you. Can you connect the emotion to any physical body sensations? Can you breathe through the body sensations and feel any shifts in the emotion? Can you reassure yourself that it is safe to be with your emotion? Then, using one of the phrases above (or another phrase that would feel right to you) show yourself the same verbal validation you might give a friend. It’s a simple, fast, and powerful practice.

While validation is probably the most important skill for sitting with pain, and it certainly goes a long way, here are a few other tips to keep in mind:

1) Don’t compare pain.

Often when someone expresses that they are going through something difficult, we feel the inclination to demonstrate our empathy by sharing about a time that we went through something similar. A friend loses a loved one, so we open up about how painful it was for us to lose a loved one. 

There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Sometimes it can be extremely helpful, fostering connection and helping your friend not feel so alone. However, if you are going to open up about your own pain in an attempt to help your friend, there are two important things to keep in mind:

First, make sure the focus of the conversation stays primarily on your friend. While you deserve to get support for your pain too, this might not be the right moment. If it feels like you’re taking over the conversation, your friend might walk away with the message that you think your pain is more important than theirs. Make sure the conversation feels balanced and that it doesn’t feel like you’re stealing the spotlight. 

On that note, the second trap to avoid is a pattern of “one-upping” your loved one. Anything along the lines of “You thought your day was bad? Wait until you hear about my day!” is a no-go. You might have been through some seriously hard things in your life, but this is probably not the moment to share about them. Pain is not a competition. 

As a rule of thumb, if it feels like you’re competing with your loved one for attention, airtime, validation, or support, rethink your strategy. If it feels like you and your friend are on the same team, working to carry the burden of your collective pain together, you’re probably on the right track.

Often when we feel the urge to one-up our loved ones or compare pain, it is because we have not felt adequately supported or validated in our own struggles. Rather than invalidating someone else, try seeking the support you need instead. Even if you are not feeling validated by others, you can always take a moment to validate yourself.

On the flip side, don’t dismiss your own pain by comparing your pain to someone else’s. You can always find examples of someone who has it worse than you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to feel your emotions too. 

2) Ask how your loved one would like to be supported.

This might sound very basic, but we rarely think to do it. Since everyone deals with emotional pain differently, the most straightforward way to understand what kind of support your loved one needs is to just ask. 

Some people don’t want to open up about their emotions, but they would really appreciate some quality time together to help get their mind off things. Some people need alone time while they’re processing negative emotions, but they would really appreciate a kind gesture to let them know you’re thinking of them. Others need to talk and process their feelings out loud with someone they trust. If you know someone well, you might be able to guess what would be most helpful to them. But if you don’t know, a simple “how can I best support you right now?” can go a long way. 

One caveat to this is the fact that we don’t want to add to someone’s emotional burden. If someone already feels overwhelmed, they might not have the bandwidth to come up with ideas for how you can support them. To work around this, it might be helpful for you to pose a few options and let them pick one that sounds best to them.

As this applies to supporting yourself through difficult emotions, take the time to ask yourself what you most need, and give yourself permission to do it. 

3) Follow up with a kind word or gesture.

I have often heard people say that the hardest period of grieving the death of a loved one is several weeks to a month after the loss. While everyone is different, many people find this time period to be the loneliest because the waves of support have typically slowed down, but the wound is still fresh. For the first couple of weeks, if you’re lucky, you might have received a plethora of calls and texts, flowers, baked goods. But after a while, it can seem like everyone else has moved on with their lives and forgotten.

The same pattern can be true for any kind of difficult emotional situation. You have a nice vent session expressing your emotions to a loved one, and then after a day or so, it’s never mentioned again. You might still be hurting, but your loved ones seem to have moved on.

I have observed that in these situations, a small follow-up can have a major impact.

It can be as simple as a text a few days later saying “I’m thinking about you and hoping you’re having a better day today.” It could be a gesture like bringing someone a meal or flowers. It could be an invitation to do something fun. Anything to let your loved one know that you’ve been thinking about them, and that they have your ongoing support.

Something that takes a few minutes of your time and energy could have the potential to significantly brighten someone’s entire week.

What are some of your favorite ways to support someone going through a hard time? What types of support do you find most helpful when you’re experiencing difficult emotions? Feel free to answer in the comments below. And if you know someone who might benefit from this article, feel free to share it to help us grow our community.